Starting to date again after the end of a marriage or the loss of a partner can feel like stepping into an entirely new world. Whether it’s been years or even decades since you were last single, dating in later life comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities. The good news? You’re not alone in this journey. We’ve spoken to three dating experts—Shan Merchant, Alex Mellor-Brook, and Georgina Vass—who share their best advice on embracing this new chapter with confidence and clarity.
Reclaim Your Identity First – Advice from Shan Merchant
After the end of a marriage or the loss of a partner, there’s often a sense of having lost yourself. Before you begin dating, ask: ‘Who am I now? What have I discovered about myself?’ Don’t rush to be the person you used to be. You’re not looking to return to who you were before, but to embrace who you’ve become. Try new things. Say yes to what excites you. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your magic
You get to decide when you feel ready
Dating again isn’t a race, and there’s no universal ‘right’ time to start – only your right time. Some people dive straight back in, others take years, and guess what? Both are fine. The only mistake you can make here is letting other people dictate when you ‘should’ be ready. Ignore the noise. Your life isn’t on anyone else’s schedule. If you want to take time to heal, do it. If you want to start casually meeting people, great. Just make sure it’s your choice, not a reaction to pressure from friends, family, or that little voice in your head saying, ‘You should be over this by now.’ The only timeline that matters is yours.
Your next relationship will be different – and that’s a good thing
It’s tempting to compare every potential date to your ex or late partner, but what I encourage you to see is that your next relationship won’t be a ‘better’ or ‘worse’ version of the past; it’ll be something completely different. The key is to embrace the excitement of discovering something new rather than recreating what you had.
Take the pressure off yourself
Your first few dates don’t have to lead to a life-changing romance. Think of dating like a skill – something you improve with practice. Keep it low-pressure. Grab a coffee and take a walk, meet for a picnic in the park on a sunny day, go to an art gallery, or do something you’d enjoy anyway, even if you were going solo. This way, no date is ever ‘wasted’ because you’re still having a good time. Dip your toes in, stay curious, and focus on connection, not the pressure of finding ‘The One’.
It’s fine to talk about your past, but don’t get stuck in it
The way you talk about your past sets the tone for how someone else sees you. When discussing it on dates, don’t make it the focal point. If you frame it like baggage, they’ll see it as baggage. If you own it with confidence, they’ll see it as a natural part of your journey. Instead of saying, ‘I went through a divorce’ or ‘My partner passed away,’ and leaving an awkward silence, shift the focus: ‘That was a big chapter in my life, and I’ve learned a lot from it. I’m excited about meeting new people and seeing what’s next.’ The right person won’t judge you for your past; they’ll be drawn to your confidence in how you’ve grown from it.
Seek aliveness, not just security
Often, people who’ve experienced loss or divorce look for stability in their next partner. But love is more than safety; it’s about aliveness, curiosity, and connection. Instead of asking if someone can protect you, ask yourself: Do they inspire me? Do they make me feel alive? Do they bring out the fun, adventurous side of me?
Rediscover Yourself Before Dating – Advice from Alex Mellor-Brook
Starting over can feel daunting, but dating in later life isn’t about recapturing the past—it’s about embracing who you are today and finding someone who complements that.
Forget Perfection—Seek Connection
Everyone carries a past, and no one is without flaws. Instead of searching for an ideal partner, focus on emotional compatibility and shared values. Ask yourself: Do they bring joy to your life? Do they make you laugh? Most importantly, do they contribute to your overall happiness and well-being?
Take Your Time
There’s no rush when it comes to finding the right person. Meaningful connections take time to develop, and the right partner won’t disappear just because you didn’t act immediately. Moving at a comfortable pace helps you build a relationship based on authenticity rather than pressure.
Make Dating Enjoyable
Shift your mindset from pressure to curiosity and adventure. Dating should be an exciting journey, not a stressful obligation. When you genuinely enjoy the experience, you’ll naturally be more confident and attractive to potential partners. Enthusiasm and positivity are infectious!
Build a Support Network
Surround yourself with friends who uplift and support you. A strong social circle provides encouragement, honest advice, and perspective when you need it most. They’ll be your cheerleaders, your voice of reason, and a reminder that you deserve happiness in love.
Have Fun and Stay Open-Minded – Advice from Georgina Vass
Re-entering the dating world after a long-term relationship can feel like a major shift, but prioritising your well-being and setting realistic expectations can help you navigate it smoothly.
Prioritise your own well-being and manage realistic expectations
A loss can impact various parts of our identity and confidence in several ways. Continue to maintain all of your wellbeing or self-care activities during this time such as exercise, pleasurable activities or hobbies, and spending time with loved ones. Dating takes a lot of energy, it can be wonderful, painful, complicated, unfamiliar and everything in-between.
Put yourself out there
Most dating is taking place online through apps such as Bumble, eHarmony, SeniorMatch, SilverSingles, and Match. Research and familiarise yourself with the various sites and then take some time to create thoughtful profiles for the apps that suit you best. Keep in mind that it may take time to meet someone new, so try to maintain helpful thinking styles.
Have fun
Modern dating has changed significantly throughout the years. Try to stay open and flexible throughout this new adventure. Try to enjoy dating for the activity it is, remember that its about the journey, not the destination.
Dating after divorce or widowhood is a deeply personal experience, and there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. Whether you’re taking the first steps or diving back in, the most important thing is to go at your own pace. Reclaim your sense of self, stay open to new possibilities, and most of all, enjoy the journey.
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