Often, when singles over 50 start dating again after potentially being in a long-term relationship, the online dating world can feel alien. With the amount of apps available and dating websites, it can be hard to get started; which one do I choose, how do I set it up, and more importantly, how do I not get catfished? Today we are joined by experts Shan Merchant, Alex Mellor-Brook, and Georgina Vass, who offer valuable advice on starting over in this new dating world.
Getting started: advice from Shan Merchant
Own your age
Be in the full magnificence of it. With life experience comes confidence, emotional depth, and a clear understanding of what truly matters in a relationship. That’s not a disadvantage – it’s an edge. You’re not here to compete with younger people; you’re here to connect with someone who values the richness of your experiences and the clarity you bring.
Create a killer profile that stands out
Your photos carry 90% of the weight of your whole dating profile. Pick 6 of your best photos showing you smiling and having fun. Most online dating profiles are also written in a generic and boring way. ‘I love travel, my family, and long walks on the beach’? Snooze. Instead, make your profile specific and playful and ask your reader a question: ‘Ask me about the time I got lost in Barcelona and ended up at a flamenco party.’ This gives people a reason to message you.
Ditch The ‘Waiting Game’
Be Proactive If you see someone you like, don’t wait for them to message you. Send the first message! Unless you’re on Bumble (where women message first), there are no rules that say you can’t make the first move. Confidence is attractive at any age.
Filter out the ‘Time-Wasters’ quickly
Online dating is a numbers game, but that doesn’t mean you should entertain every match. If someone is inconsistent, vague about what they want, or keeps you guessing, don’t give them your energy. High-value dating means spending time only on people who are clear and intentional.
Don’t allow yourself to get jaded at any cost
If dating is starting to feel like a chore; pause. Take a break, reset, and remind yourself: meeting new people should feel exciting, not like emotional exhaustion. Don’t just rely solely on apps; get out there, start conversations, and build a life that naturally brings new connections your way. And most importantly? Only keep people around who make you feel good about dating – negativity is contagious, and you don’t need it.
Meet quickly – don’t waste weeks messaging
One of the biggest mistakes people make in online dating is spending too much time messaging before meeting. Attraction happens in real life, not over endless texts. If they won’t meet you within a week (maximum 7-10 days) of chatting? Move on
How to be safe: advice from Alex Mellor-Brook
Online dating is a great way to meet like-minded people, but navigating it successfully requires a thoughtful approach. With so many options available, focusing on quality over quantity will lead to more meaningful connections. Taking the time to choose the right platform, stay safe, and set clear expectations can make all the difference.
Choose the Right Platform
Not all dating apps are the same, and generic platforms may not be the best fit. Explore options tailored to your interests, whether it’s travel, music, or fine dining. Connecting with people who share your passions increases the chances of finding someone truly compatible.
Protect Your Privacy
When creating your profile, avoid sharing personal details like your home address, workplace, or financial information. Unfortunately, scammers do exist, so staying cautious is essential. Take your time before sharing sensitive information, and always trust your instincts.
Clarify Intentions Early On
Online dating attracts people with a wide range of intentions—some seeking long-term relationships, others looking for something more casual. Being clear about what you want from the start helps you avoid misunderstandings and wasted time. Honest conversations lead to better connections with those who share your relationship goals.
Follow a Safe Dating Strategy:
- Keep all initial communication within the app.
- Arrange a short video call (Zoom, FaceTime, WhatsApp) before sharing personal details—this helps verify identity.
- Always meet in public, let a friend know your plans, and arrange a ‘check-in call’ during the date.
- Dating platforms have zero tolerance for scams or inappropriate behaviour. If someone sends unsolicited messages, images, or requests for money—report and block them immediately.
Dating in your 50s and beyond is about confidence, self-awareness, and enjoyment. You’re not ‘starting over’—you’re moving forward, and the possibilities are endless.
Being authentic: advice from Georgina Vass
Choose up to date photos
Use recent smiling photos taken from above with expansive posture as a profile pic and even better if you can include a dog in the photo.
Be authentic and original in your profile.
You can demonstrate originality through vivid imagery, metaphors, or self-disclosure. Take your time to create it and avoid making spelling errors.
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