Renewing your vows together after years—or even decades—is a meaningful way to celebrate your journey and reaffirm your commitment. It’s a chance to reflect on the life you’ve built and express the love and gratitude you feel for your partner now. Writing new vows, however, can feel daunting, especially when so much has happened since the first time you stood together and promised forever. To guide you, we’ve included insights from celebrants Debra Massey and Rachael Clark, whose expert advice will help you write wedding vows that are personal, heartfelt, and reflective of your shared history.
Reflect on Your Journey Together
Start by looking back on the life you’ve created together. Think about the challenges you’ve faced, the joys you’ve shared, and the milestones you’ve reached. Write down key memories that stand out—these could be the birth of children, big life changes, or even small but meaningful moments, like a quiet holiday or the way you always make each other laugh. As Debra Massey puts it, “When vows are renewed, they are reborn, reshaped by the interim years between first saying, ‘I do’ to the current milestone in any couple relationship.” Reflecting on these experiences can provide the foundation for vows that genuinely honour your time together.
Acknowledge Growth and Change
One of the most powerful aspects of renewing vows after years together is recognising how you’ve both grown—individually and as a couple. Speak to the ways your partner has evolved and what you admire about who they are today. Rachael Clark points out that writing your vows can feel daunting, but it’s all about being authentic: “Be yourself. Write it how you would say it to your loved one. Don’t try to use words you wouldn’t normally say. The best vows come from the heart.” This honesty adds depth and authenticity to your vows, highlighting your growth and the enduring bond you share.
Focus on the Present and Future
While your vows should honour your shared past, they’re also an opportunity to reaffirm your commitment to the future. Think about the life you still want to build together and the promises that feel relevant now. As Rachael explains, “Renewing your vows is a lovely opportunity to celebrate your journey in life with your soulmate, whether that be 10 or 40 years after your initial marriage.” Whether your vows touch on embracing future adventures, continuing to support each other through life’s challenges, or simply committing to find joy in one another, let them reflect both your current partnership and your aspirations for the future.
Keep It Personal and Honest
There’s no need for flowery language or dramatic declarations. Speak from the heart, using your own voice. Rachael suggests, “They don’t need to be really long—if short and sweet is your style, go for it. Your vows don’t need to be really serious or live up to any expectations of your guests. As long as they speak to your partner, that’s the main thing.” Adding humour or referencing inside jokes can make your vows even more special if they fit your relationship. As Debra notes, “Add something to make the other laugh—to reaffirm personal and quirky elements of your current relationship.”
Draw Inspiration From Everyday Life
Sometimes, the most meaningful vows are rooted in the little things that make your relationship unique. Think about the daily habits or rituals that define your bond, like making each other tea every morning, sharing a love for the same TV show, or knowing exactly how to cheer each other up. Debra encourages couples to create their day their way: “Rings and gorgeous outfits can be lovely extras, but so too can promises over a new lawnmower, at the front door of a new home, or with a grandchild in your arms.” Including these details makes your vows more personal and reminds you both of the small joys that have kept your love strong over the years.
Don’t Compare to Your Original Vows
Your original vows were written for a different time in your life, and that’s okay. There’s no need to match the style or content of what you said on your wedding day. Debra advises couples to reflect on earlier vows, noting that some sentiments may still hold meaning, but this is also a chance to let go of past expectations. Rachael adds that getting a trusted friend, family member, or your celebrant to read through your vows can help ease nerves and ensure your words truly resonate.
Practice Saying Them Out Loud
Once you’ve written your vows, read them out loud to yourself. Hearing the words can help you fine-tune the tone and flow, ensuring they sound natural and comfortable. Rachael shares her own plans for a vow renewal, highlighting how they can be a deeply personal celebration: “We have plans to go out to Vegas for my 40th birthday and do a whacky renewal with Elvis.” Whether your day is big or small, fun or formal, practising your vows will help you feel prepared and confident to share them.
Renewing your vows is a beautiful way to celebrate the life you’ve built together, honour your shared history, and look forward to your future. Are you planning on doing it?
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