As we fall in love and agree to marry someone we believe to be the one, it’s not uncommon for individuals to make various accommodations for those they appreciate, which is often the case in a multi-faith wedding. For instance, you might not be the closest to your new parents-in-law, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be polite and invest in your relationship. Perhaps you have different dietary tastes, but you can balance that effectively and even learn new recipes to help them sustain their vegan approach, to use an example.
The same can be said for wedding ceremonies that may be important to your partner, but perhaps less ideal for you. Now, compromise should work both ways, so don’t forget to make it clear where your boundaries lay, and what your own requirements are. If a mutual plan can’t be found in that respect, then it might be a sign of how you’ll struggle to agree during married life, and warn you away.
Photographer Ami Robertson @amirobertsonphotographer / See more of this multi-cultural wedding here.
However, some compromise and acceptance can be found if your love is more pressing and appropriate. For instance, if your partner and their family are religious or tied to cultural roots and you’re not at all, how much of this should you permit in the ceremony? Well, in some cases this is obvious, and in others less so.
Some people may suggest that if you’re not compatible with your loved one in matters of faith then that’s a sign the wedding shouldn’t take place, but multi-faith weddings happen all the time and thousands of lucky couples make it work.
As for the wedding planning itself, let’s see where such requirements can imply the most significant impact going forward:
Have Clear Conversations & Invite Both Sides Of The Family
Now, this isn’t a hard discussion to have, like talking with an elderly relative about your capacity to care for them and their possible need to visit retirement communities. There’s no shame here either, it’s not a taboo for one family to have a religion and one not to, as long as everyone is polite and gets along.
So, communication really is the foundation of it all. Before any decisions are made, sit down with your partner and have a clear, honest chat about what matters most to you both. After all, this is your day together, and getting on the same page first will make everything else easier to figure out. Do they want a traditional wedding ceremony? Cool, so do you get to decide where to go for your honeymoon? That might be a good compromise.
Once you’ve had that discussion, consider involving both sides of the family early in the process. This doesn’t mean handing over the reins or letting too many cooks spoil the broth as it were. Instead, it’s about showing respect and including them in ways that matter, because a wedding is a family event after all, even if it is for you first. For example, if your partner’s family has a strong attachment to certain traditions, inviting them to share their thoughts can help you understand why those elements are important.
Sometimes just listening can ease tension. It also makes it clear that while this is your day, you’re willing to celebrate your union in a way that honors everyone who cares about you. For example, if you’re a white, western person and your partner is Indian, you’re still more than happy to wear a sherwani. They can look great.
Photographer Ami Robertson @amirobertsonphotographer / See more of this multi-cultural wedding here.
Consider Concessions You May Need
Just as it’s important to hold onto the things you care about, there might be areas where you’re happy to bend a little. Concessions are a natural part of any partnership, and weddings are no exception on that front. If certain traditions or elements are truly meaningful to your partner, agreeing to implement them can be a way to show love and support. But remember that you should ask for concessions on your side. Perhaps you’d prefer to wear a suit and not traditional garb, because you feel it’s more close to who you are. At least having these conversations can be worthwhile.
For example, if you’re not keen on certain religious rites but they matter deeply to your partner, you might decide to include them in a smaller or more subtle way. A traditional blessing or ritual could take place at the start or end of the ceremony, so it doesn’t dominate the day but is still present for those who value it.
Agree Upon The Venue
Now, one of the best things about religious weddings is that the wedding venues “go hard,” as the kids like to say these days. In other words, they’re quite beautiful. Churchs mostly look wonderful, especially those that are historic. But if you’d rather not, some venues can bridge the gap nicely.
A historic building or a beautiful outdoor location can feel meaningful without leaning too far into one tradition or another. On top of that, certain religious spaces may be more accommodating than you expect, as some churches or places of worship allow couples to adapt the ceremony to reflect their beliefs better too. For instance, you don’t necessarily have to be a devout Christian to have a wedding in a Church. Although keep in mind that if you’re going to a special place, like having a wedding near the Vatican City, perhaps with a St Peter’s Basilica dome climb as part of the entire trip beforehand, you may wish to be catholic.
Photographer Ami Robertson @amirobertsonphotographer / See more of this multi-cultural wedding here.
Bonus: Discuss Funding & Balance
You may be more than willing to concede to most of the religious standards if your partner’s parents are paying for most of the wedding. That’s a pretty good deal to make. But just remember that money is generally power, so if you’re not comfortable being dictated to, consider who you ask to fund your wedding and what that means in the long run.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily conform to the religious wedding preferences of your partner, but not without losing out on your preferences or being told what to do. There’s a lot of love in finding this compromise.
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